


six degrees of separation

by stardustbane (trek_locked)



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Book 5: City of Lost Souls, Book 6: City of Heavenly Fire, Edom Angst (Shadowhunter Chronicles), It's all okay in the end though, M/M, Magnus's POV, Malec, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 05:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14371818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trek_locked/pseuds/stardustbane
Summary: Magnus experiences the six degrees of separation after breaking up with Alec. This is the story of how he falls apart and comes back together.





	six degrees of separation

**Author's Note:**

> I've been adding to this story for over three years. I finally finished it, and am excited to post my first malec piece! Hope you enjoy.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own these amazing characters, they are the work of the lovely Cassandra Clare.
> 
> Inspired by: Six Degrees of Separation (The Script)

After the break up, all Magnus felt was anger. It wasn’t his fault that Alec couldn’t deal with his own mortality and Magnus’s immortality. And it certainly wasn’t his fault that his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – went to his crazy ex-girlfriend from over a century ago to try to take away Magnus’s immortality.

Honestly, if Alexander had been feeling that way, he could’ve just said something. Talked to Magnus. There was some quote about communication being most important in a relationship that, while Magnus couldn’t remember who said it or if they were even correct, certainly applied to this situation.

So as he walked home from that dark tunnel he was sure would be the setting of many nightmares for the next decade or two, Magnus seethed. He cursed every deity, demon, and Prince of Hell he could think of. He remembered every Shadowhunter he had ever known and wondered why he could never just stay away. Magnus never asked to fall in love with one. All of them were trouble. But he had thought Alexander was different.

Coming home to an empty loft hurt more than he expected. Magnus had grown used to another warm, solid presence, calming and centering him. Instead, a gloom seemed to have settled over the room, shadows covering the once inviting space and causing a chill to settle in Magnus’s bones.

Entering his loft, Magnus instantly headed for the couch. There was no way he was facing his bed, which a certain Shadowhunter used to warm, anytime soon. That was too much for his heart to handle. So he snapped his fingers, a blanket popping into his hand and soft silk pajamas settling over his skin. But there was still something missing. Magnus might be single now, but he wasn’t completely alone. It was occasions like these that made him glad he had a cat.

“Chairman?” he whispered. “I need someone to cuddle. Daddy’s feeling… Daddy’s feeling down.”

After a few moments, a soft purr came from down below and began to wind around his ankles. Crouching down to pick up the Munchkin cat, Magnus suddenly felt the drop. He gasped aloud and gripped his chest. It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, and the fury that had lit an ember in his heart suddenly disappeared. All that remained was a numbing emptiness that somehow still managed to hurt like hell. And he should know. Magnus had hell in his veins.

Leaning on the couch for support, the warlock slid an arm under the Chairman and lifted his cat’s warmth to his cold heart. With the blanket in hand, he tumbled onto the sofa and ran his hand blindly over the cushions until it stumbled upon the remote. Magnus turned on the TV and flipped to his recording of Project Runway. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.

* * *

The sensation of remembering everything that occurred after waking up was worse than any hangover he had ever experienced. Magnus remained lying there, eyes closed, for a long time. If he pretended nothing had happened, maybe everything would go away. He could lay there forever, in a paradise of ignorance, where he still had a boyfriend who loved him as he came. And then Magnus opened his eyes. Because that was too ridiculous a fantasy for even him to believe.

A comforting weight moved atop his head, and he lifted his hand to pet Chairman Meow as they both woke up all the way. Taking a deep breath, Magnus sat up carefully, so as not to disturb his hair’s resident.

“Well, Chairman Meow, now that I am a single warlock once again, I no longer have to help those miserable Shadowhunters. Which means, my schedule is free. I am officially going to live in sweatpants for the rest this week, at least.”

So of course, as soon as his announcement was over, his phone rang.

With a small hiss, he snapped his fingers and the phone appeared on the coffee table. Peeling the bundle of fur from his head, Magnus placed the Chairman beside him before leaning forward and snatching up the buzzing device.

“Don’t they know I just broke up with someone? Have they no heart?” the warlock complained out loud before looking at the caller ID.

It was Alec.

Magnus blinked. And then blinked again. He had not been expecting that. And then he turned off his phone.

He could nurse his broken heart all by himself, thank you very much. No help needed. Well, maybe some Chinese food. Magnus was starving. And a bathroom break. And some more Project Runway.

Magnus had mastered how to deal with a broken heart.

* * *

What was going to kill him was the second part. Because Magnus was not going to survive every single mutual acquaintance of his and Alec’s trying to get them back together. While he dearly loved Alec’s siblings and friends, especially the lovely Isabelle and his Biscuit, there was no way they weren’t both on his ex-boyfriend’s side. And there was no way they wouldn’t remind him of the man he was so dearly missing.

At this point, he was about to throw away his phone, hide the doorbell buzzer in his fridge, and lock himself in the bathroom where there were no windows. No pesky Shadowhunter could crawl in there and bother him. He just wanted to be alone, to mope and mourn in peace.

Not to hear the Ninety-Nine Theses of why him and Alec were perfect, Magnus had made a mistake, and that they needed to get back together.

Loving Isabelle dearly did not mean he was not ready to put a silencing spell on her for as long as necessary. If he heard one more voicemail from her, he would set his phone on fire.

But the worst voicemails were the ones from Alec.

At first, it was easy to disregard them, as Magnus was still fuming about what his ex-boyfriend thought he had the right to do. But the more he heard, the more his heart broke. The boy sounded so genuinely upset and lost. _I’m sorry_ ’s echoed in Magnus’s ears no matter where he was or what he was doing. Simon’s description of Alec’s appearance almost made him drop everything and run over to the Institute. Dark bags under eyes and not eating were things Magnus had become very used to over the past week. It caused him to wince, a physical reaction, every time he thought about the love of his life suffering like that.

It changed nothing.

* * *

 

One day, Alec stopped calling. He left one last voicemail, the only form of contact Magnus still had with him, saying he was sorry again and he wouldn’t bother the warlock again. Then silence.

For the first time in his life, Magnus yearned to be called upon, be the pet warlock he had so scathingly accused Alec’s friends of seeing him as. How dare that Shadowhunter do this to him.

So Magnus didn’t leave his bed for five days. He summoned Chinese food and pizza a few times, leaving takeout boxes scattered across the floor and used tissues across the bed sheets. This was the longest the man had ever worn the same outfit, much less a pair of sweatpants. The television had been dragged in to the room, meaning Magnus could watch all his favorite movies without ever moving from the mattress.

Raphael finally came to pester him on the sixth day.

“ _Dios_ , Magnus, you’re a mess,” he greeted with a sneer.

From beneath the covers, one finger stuck out.

With a sigh, the vampire settled onto the side of bed, the one least populated by old Kleenexes.

“What brought this on? I know you’re still upset about that horrible Shadowhunter, but you were the one that broke up with him.”

A tiny voice answered after a long pause.

“I haven’t heard his voice in six days. He stopped calling.”

Nothing. Then Raphael let out an undignified snort, patting around on the covers to find Magnus’s buried body.

“Isn’t that good? They were all being terribly annoying. Plus, you can’t expect him to call forever till the day he dies.”

With that, a mournful head popped up and let out a short wail.

“But maybe I want him to call! Maybe I still love him and need to hear his voice. Maybe I don’t want him to die and leave me. Why can’t he see that? I can’t do anything to change the situation and neither can he. I just wanted to love him while I could and now even that’s not possible.”

For the first time in many years, Raphael held Magnus and stroked his hair while he sobbed.

* * *

 

“I’m fine, Catarina. I can make this portal,” Magnus spoke distractedly into his brand-new cell phone.

“I know you can. That’s not the issue and you know it. Why are you doing this to yourself? And to that Shadowhunter boy?” his best blue friend responded.

Finishing applying his eyeliner, making sure that both sides were even and looked flawless, Magnus stepped back from the mirror.

“He’s going to Idris. Who knows what will happen? And he didn’t even tell me. Did you know he hasn’t called me in eleven days?”

If he sounded a little desperate, so be it.

The sharp tone that came out of the speaker didn’t mention it, though.

“No, Magnus. I was called in to do the portal. I’m doing it and getting paid and going back to the hospital. You will stay in your apartment and finish your breakup cycle without having to start it all over again. Unless, of course, you decide to go and actually talk to him, to fix things, in which case I will still make the portal, but you will also be there.”

Frowning, he hmphed in the phone. That wasn’t what he wanted at all. He wanted to see Alec, hear his voice without grainy static, with the excuse of portal-making to not speak to his love. And he knew Catarina knew it.

“No thanks. Have fun portal making then. Come by soon? When you’re off?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” was all he got before she hung up on him.

Damnit. Magnus had done his makeup for nothing.

He wished Jace never came to his door. It made Magnus think of doing things he didn’t want to do, like speak to Alec. It also made him feel transparent, like his walls meant nothing if blondie of all people could see through his defenses and posturing.

He thought he was over this. Over Alec.

“I am,” Magnus muttered to himself, glaring dangerously at the made-up face in the mirror.

But as the clock ticked away, he felt his resolve slowly unraveling. At two minutes from when Catarina’s appointment was set to start, Magnus jumped up and began creating his own portal.

* * *

 

Seeing Alec again was probably the worst idea Magnus had ever had in long, long life. It was like a punch to the gut, his lover standing there next to his sister, drowning in a hoodie with too many holes and a dark pair of jeans.

Simon had been right. The bags under Alec’s eyes were pretty bad-looking.

Magnus contemplated hanging in the shadows, just watching everyone leave. That would be the easiest option. No real contact, no exchanging of words. No more pain than he was trying to survive with already. If he just stood behind a tree, he could make sure his ex-boyfriend was alright and then go. In and out. No problem.

Catarina’s glaring eyes and head jerk in Alec’s direction forced him to rethink all that.

So Magnus decided to check in with someone a little easier first. Spotting wild red hair, he began walking in Clary’s direction.

“Defining relationships over here?” he questioned, overhearing Clary and Simon discussing the vampire’s confusing and honestly irrelevant love life. It was nice to talk to his Biscuit again, watch her interact with her best friend like he’d always witnessed in her memories. It helped a part of him settle enough to seek out Alec as soon as Clary’s remarks turned towards judging Magnus’s love life.

Isabelle had left her brother’s side, so Magnus didn’t feel that his life was threatened by approaching his ex-boyfriend. Then he saw who he was talking to.

A gorgeous dirty-blonde Shadowhunter seemed to be trying to flirt with his Alexander. It was clear Alec had no idea what was going on, and simply wanted out of the situation, but didn’t know how to handle it. The man was moving in closer and closer, laughing a bit at something he said, causing Alec to shoot a small smile at him. Magnus didn’t know why that meant the man could place a hand on his Alexander’s shoulder.

Maybe Magnus wasn’t as far along in the Getting-Over-Alexander cycle as he thought. If he cut into anything important when he sauntered up, he could care less. And by the look on Alec’s face at seeing him there, putting forth a question, Magnus was sure the dirty-blonde Shadowhunter would be forgotten in no time.

If only Magnus could forget how to love Alec just as easily.

* * *

 

Lying there in Edom, Magnus had a lot of time to think. There was nothing else to do, and his cellmates were not the most talkative nor comforting people. Especially now that Raphael was gone, a notion so heartbreaking it made the physical pain seem like nothing. It forced him to withdraw into his mind, trying to get lost amongst other topics and distractions. So think about his past Magnus did. And when you could die at any moment, things you did in the past that once seemed like a good idea no longer were.

Magnus realized he had messed up.

There, where he was unable to use his magic, where it hurt to breathe, where he felt the overbearing presence of his father every second, all Magnus wanted was one person.

He yearned for Alexander with every fiber of his being.

If his love was there, he’d whisper in his ear in gentle tones. He’d make everything alright. He’d fire arrows at Sebastian and at any demons and at Asmodeus and at anyone else who’d hurt Magnus. He’d get these god-awful chains off him. He’d hold him in his arms and rock Magnus back and forth, till all his broken pieces were fit back together.

But his ex-boyfriend was probably up in Idris, being a hero, saving his siblings and friends. He wouldn’t be worried about the sad, distrusting man who’d broken up with him and broken his heart.

It was easier to think happier thoughts, though. Pretend like they were still together, that that bitch Camille never got involved.

What would Magnus get Alexander for his birthday? Where should they go on their next vacation? If Magnus redecorated, what theme would Alec enjoy the most? Did his love need more coffee for the machine?

The more Magnus pretended his Alexander was there, the less he felt the pain. It was probably because he was fading, dying, his life draining away. But with the memory of brilliant blue eyes and dark black locks of hair, Magnus could exist in a better world. One where he’d never let the best thing in his life go.

Then there was light, Luke was asking a question, and the door was being banged open. Trying to sit up was pointless, plus overly painful, so Magnus laid there, wishing he could get up and not be on the floor when Sebastian killed him.

When a face hovered over his own, Magnus let out an exhale. He had done it. He’d managed to turn his memories into reality, brain tricking him into seeing his love before he finally moved on.

But the anguish in those hollow blue eyes was overflowing, something Magnus could never have imagined seeing in the other man. Relief settled into his bones at being right where he wanted to be.

“Oh, my Alec. You’ve been so sad. I didn’t know.”

Feeling the hand that finally gripped his own after so long was like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> These two boys mean the world to me. I'll forever cherish them, their relationship, and these books.  
> Kudos and comments are always welcome, I'd love to know what you think <3


End file.
